Pretty Hurts

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pretty_Hurts_(song)

 

Conform. Sit still and look pretty. You must be pretty if you want to be loved. If you're not pretty, you can't even love yourself.

 

Well, you know what? Pretty hurts. I'm not talking about being beautiful. I'm talking about being forced into a box of how to feel and be. Of resenting people who are free, because of course we would all like to be like that, but you can't be free if you're trying to be pretty all the time.

Women (and men) are literally broken down into checklists and numbers. 5.0 or 9.5. Graded on our worthiness based on being pretty. Yes, a lot of it is looks. Industrialized looks. But a lot of it is deeper. What if thin lips could be beautiful? What if uneven skin could be beautiful? "No!" they say. It's all science. We aren't intelligent beings, we're animals. We can't help what we like. If you don't conform to what homo sapiens like, you will be unacceptable, unlovable and alone.

 

It comes almost true.

 

You fall for someone. You think they're great. But do you know what they think of you? They think your hair is the wrong color. So it doesn't work out.

 

It's heartbreaking.
You don't know yet that it will go deeper.

 

You fall for someone. You think they're great. This time, your hair is the right color. But do you know what they think of you? They think you're not entertaining enough. So it doesn't work out.

 

You start googling what you're doing wrong. There are plenty of people happy to tell you.

 

You fall for someone. You think they're great. This time, your hair is right. You work hard to be fun and spontaneous for them. You know they like this. But you didn't know that they like you to tell them that they are always right. So it doesn't work out.

 

You stop falling for people.

 

You start falling for the lies.

 

You study and shape yourself. You say it's self-improvement. It works.

 

But it makes you cry that it works.

 

You hear a song from years back every once in a while, or run into an old friend. It makes you nostalgic for yourself, before you knew what people liked.

 

It's hard to reconcile the likeable person you can be if you try and the unlikeable person you can be if you don't. We should try. We should be kind. We should have courage. We should be pretty.

 

You meet someone, but you don't fall.

 

You study. You feel something, so you calculate. You think.

 

You don't say too much or too little. You look good but hide the appearance of maintenance. You laugh but hide the frowns. You're pretty.

 

It works.

 

You keep them at arms distance but get terrified when they move farther away than your arm can reach. You are cool and unreachable, then you're desperate and irrational. You don't know why.

 

They stick around though. After a while, your arm gets tired of holding them at a distance. They're pretty cute, too, you want to be a little closer.

 

But what if they see? What if they start seeing the frowns? Or the pores? Or the moodiness? What if they see, Heaven Forbid, the dance moves???

 

Then one day it happens. They see something. Maybe it's a frown, or a rude remark. Maybe it's eyelashes with no mascara or a stretch mark. You freak out. Because you know what that will mean. That it won't work out.

 

Your knowledge comes from experience. It's not book knowledge, it's wisdom. It's truth. It's reality. We can't control what we like.

 

But then they don't go. It's confusing.
It's scary.
Because you know they will just see more. Then they will go, and you don't want them to. You never wanted them to.

 

They'll start saying things. Like that they don't care that you're not pretty. You never realized that that was what you wanted to hear all along.

 

Not that, "You are pretty."

That they don't care that you're not.

 

They think you're beautiful. They think your smiles and your frowns are beautiful. They think you're beautiful when you've shaved and when you are paying homage to your cold climate ancestors. They think your cuteness and your independence are beautiful.

 

You'll remember how it felt before you judged yourself. Before you decided only certain qualities could stay. Before something like the color of your hair could make you cry. You'll remember fearlessness. You'll remember confidence. You'll remember yourself like an old friend. You'll remember strength, not prettiness.

 

You'll still cry sometimes. You'll still get scared and crawl into your "pretty" box for protection. It's hard to believe, but you will see it with your own eyes. Your knowledge will come from experience. It won't be book knowledge, it will be wisdom. It will be truth. It will be reality. We can choose what we love.

 

Pretty girls make me cry. Because pretty hurts. Deeply. It doesn't hurt to put on mascara. But "pretty" girls put on mascara to cover up the pain of when someone said their eyelashes were short and it didn't work out. It doesn't hurt to exercise. But "pretty" girls run to run away from the pain of when someone said they were too fat and it didn't work out. Plastic surgery hurts. But not as much as the pain of someone not loving you because you're not "pretty."

 

Pretty is a mask that hides deep wounds of not being loved. But if we can be brave enough to put down the mask, someday we will discover that we're worth more than pretty. We're actually beautiful.

 

<3<3<3 

My Favorite Disney Princess Moment of All Time

Someone asked me recently who my favorite Disney prince was. It's not that hard, most of them have no personality;) I was a little tied between the Beast and Eric, but then I thought of (and dramatically reenacted) my favorite Disney moment of all time and I knew Eric was the right choice. 

The above quote is probably some of the most honest and loving advice a Disney prince ever gets. Most Disney princes/princesses have seemingly no connections, or very unreliable role models/parental support. The aptly named Grimsby however, gives this advice to Eric in a tender moment one night on the beach as Eric is weighed down with the decisions he has to make. 

It's a decision that I suppose everyone has to make, "Do I wait for what I dreamed of and wanted, or do I accept a real love that is right in front of me, awesome but not perfect, and good for me?" I think the beautiful irony is that Ariel is in fact his dream girl, the very exact same one who rescued him. It's just he wasn't able to recognize that in the context of the imperfection of real life (ie, she's lost her voice, is a little awkward on two legs). He doesn't recognize his "dream girl" when he sees her because of how she is in his head. (I mean, even Max can figure it out...) 

After Eric's brief interlude with Grimsby, he glances up and sees Ariel on the balcony. They have a cute/awkward moment, and Eric smiles.

I think this is the moment he realizes that he really does care about this girl. Then he does it. My favorite Disney princess movie moment of all time. He looks down at his flute, pauses for a second, then throws it into the sea and starts to walk back into the palace. 

Yes, he is immediately foiled by an evil sea witch, but still. The beauty of the moment is not lost. Eric had been playing over and over the melody of his "dream girl," that he heard on the beach. To the audience, we know that he made the right choice because his dream girl is in the palace, but to him, Ariel isn't his dream girl. She's a girl he's starting to fall for, but he still thinks his other "dream girl," is someone else. Throwing his flute away symbolizes him letting go of his expectations and dreams. But he's not really just throwing them away, he's sacrificing them. That is, he's giving up something good for something of far greater worth: a personal dream for an actual loving relationship with a wonderful girl, whom he later realizes is exactly what he wanted and dreamed of.

What if he hadn't? What if he'd kept playing his flute? Married Ursula? Or worse- married Ariel only for what she was to him, a fulfilled dream, not for who she was. How would Ariel feel, knowing he wouldn't have chosen her for her if she hadn't fit the criteria of his dream. That's not a relationship, because he's not relating to her. As he gets to know her, they form a relationship, and he is given the choice: hold out and seek someone to fulfill his own dream, or relate to, care for and protect someone who will do the same for him. And I think he made the right choice.:)

What is Water???

I love this video.  It's so true.  I can't remember who, but someone said, "what screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be."


Life can be very boring and frustrating.  It's not supposed to be fun and exciting all the time. It's not supposed to be easy.  You give life meaning yourself.  You choose to make it fulfilling. It's all about how you think and process the world.  You do need to get away from the negative default setting.  Thinking positively is not something you're born with, it's something you learn.  Noticing those around you isn't a natural skill, it's acquired. 

One thing this video left out, is that there are things that add meaning, passion and purpose to life.  Family, friends, service, religion, hobbies. These things make the drudgery worthwhile:)  It gives you a reason to come home. And to go back to work.  And still be able to enjoy life.:)I'm going to try to be more conscious of my own thoughts and more aware of those around me.  I invite you to do the same.

Modesty: Not Just for the Sake of Others

There has been a lot of talk in the LDS community about modesty circulating around Jessica Rey's recent presentation on the evolution of the bikini.  There has been a lot of responses to her call to modesty, so here's mine:)

It's important for both men and women to be modest, but to keep it simple, we're going to talk about women in this post.


The ironically fine line between feelings of shame and of self-respect.

I feel that every girl who chooses to dress modestly has at one point or another asked herself if she does it because she loves and respects her body or if she is not confident enough to bare it.  I was raised by a mother who truly valued and taught me to value modesty, so I never had to struggle with wearing super immodest clothing, but I can definitely understand the feelings of something being just a little too revealing.  Something that maybe doesn't bother you a bit when you're in your home, but when you walk outside, you suddenly become aware that you are not dressed quite as you should be.  This induces a feeling of shame, and I think this is why it can be confusing to wonder if you are ashamed of your body. The world preaches that we should snuff out any uncomfortable feelings of shame by driving ourselves past feeling.  Many women do not feel uncomfortable in immodest clothing because they are past feeling uncomfortable about it. I think this sense of "shame" is actually a desire to protect something sacred. Honoring those feelings leads to self-respect.   Perhaps we were all born with some deep spiritual inkling that our bodies are sacred.  That they are a gift from God, something over which we have stewardship and need to protect.

You are not your own.

The new Miley Cirus song, "We Can't Stop" really bothers me, because it doesn't ring true. She says, "It's my mouth, I can say what I want to, it's our house, we can love who we want to..." etcetera. One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Corinthians 6:19 "Know ye not that...ye are not your own?"  We aren't our own.  We can't do anything we want and only have ourselves to answer to. We are only stewards over precious bodies that God has given us.  They belong to Him.  We all belong to Him, whether we know it or not.  To disrespect our own bodies is not harmless.  The same way we are careful with things people lend us, we should be careful with our bodies.


Objectification 

Objectification can be an illusive concept for people.  What does it mean to "objectify" someone, and why is it such a bad thing?  First, let's understand what a person is.  Every person, despite what they do, is a dynamic, living, breathing, thinking, creative, sacred, being, with potential beyond what we are capable of imagining.  They are to be respected, loved, and admired.  This starts with oneself. Objectification is when you take this sacred, dynamic being, and separate her into parts. Aristotle taught that "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts." Taking apart a person and measuring her by worldly standards is offensive to God and to our brothers and sisters.  It's offensive to take apart a miracle and and analyze it, compare, and measure it.  It's insulting, because it is so unrepresentative and ignorant of the whole.

To assign value to a part of the whole is truly like judging a book by its cover.  Perhaps the cover may give you a few clues about what lies beneath the surface, like the title and the description on the back; those parts of ourselves we show to the world.  But it really means nothing about what is under the surface.  If you want to understand a book, you must open it up and read.  No matter how long you stare and measure and compare the cover of a book, you can never know what it is, you can only speculate.  There are so many parts to a person.  To assign someone value based on their physical appearance is not reflective of the worth of the whole. It doesn't have to be physical appearance, but that's usually what it is.  It could be a specific skill, possession, or connection. The world teaches that we should compare and judge.  God teaches we should love one another and enjoy our differences. Deciding between these two teachings can be difficult because the world blares its message loud and clear, while God speaks with a still small voice.

To be immodest is to objectify yourself.  Like putting a book on display in a glass case.  People come to admire the cover, but now no one can really read it and get beneath the surface.  It sends a message that your body is the most important part of yourself.

Conversely, dressing modestly is a barrier to objectification, because it minimizes the importance of what you see on the surface.  If a book had one of those stretchy fabric covers on the front, wouldn't you be so much more likely to open it up and flip through the pages in order to find out what it is?  Not saying you have to be completely swathed in spandex:) but the idea is the same. It doesn't decrease the value of what's on the outside.  It increases the visibility of what's on the inside.  Dressing modestly doesn't mean you are ashamed of your body.  It means that you correctly understand that it's only one part of yourself, and that the other parts are worth getting to know.  That the whole is more than the sum of its parts:)

 If any man defile the temple of God him shall God destroy, 

for the temple of God is holy,

1 Corinthians 3:17

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In Defense of Dove's Real Beauty Campaign 

How Our Brain Interprets Media Imagery

Think of a Box, Any Box

Think of a box.  It can be any box you like.  Any size, shape, color, texture, anything.

So, one time, someone told me to describe a box.  It could be any box I liked.  I did, and then they explained it was one of those psychological hacks that described your "ego," meaning in this case how you think and feel about yourself.

The crazy thing is just a couple days later I was out shopping, and I found my ego box!!!!! Seriously, though.  I described this box out of any box in the entire universe.  And I saw it just a couple days later.  I think it must be a confirmation of my ego or something;)

The Great Gatsby

Gatsby was awesome.  So awesome that I didn't really cry about it until I was at home. In my bed.  What can I say, I'm a cry baby.

I didn't really appreciate the way they colored the story.  They were pretty heavy handed in guiding the audience's opinion.  I think  what made the book such a classic is that Nick, the narrator, explains in the beginning that he reserves judgement.  In the movie, Nick gives his judgement at the very beginning.  Kind of hard to be open minded after that.  I felt like I was being spoon-fed. He was also super present in the movie.  The movie was about him and his experiences, rather than that of those around him. Still a wonderful movie, but I don't think it's classic status like the book. Best part: when Gatsby first introduces himself to Nick and he warmly raises his glass in the final moment of a symphonic fireworks show. The man's got style. Or, a "perfect, irresistible imagination!"

I also felt like Daisy wasn't hateful enough.  She seems like a total victim here, but in the book, she displays character flaws from the beginning.  Nick's comment that she and Tom are "careless" is kind of the main point, but Daisy doesn't show much carelessness except for when she kills Myrtle.  The whole film, she is endeared to the audience and her love with Gatsby is made noble.  In the book, she is a very attractive, charismatic, careless, almost heartless girl.  She is not endearing.  She does garner sympathy, but she allows herself to play the victim. Not endearing. Her love affair with Gatsby is not as important to her as it is made out to be in the movie.  Yes, he mattered to her, but she never would have chosen him over Tom, even if she had them both side by side.  It can never be the way Gatsby wishes.  Gatsby is not old, comfortable money.  No amount of cash, cars, and mansions can change that.  He will never measure up, he will never be enough. It's not based on personal merit, it's chance of birth. This is shown by the contrast of when Tom is/isn't there.  When he's not around, Daisy loves Jay and wants to be with him and thinks he's perfect.  When Tom's there, everything about Gatsby seems impossible, trashy, silly and small.

The Great Gastby disproves the American Dream.  It says that you can't really rise up to people who will never accept you.  No matter what you do, what you're born with does affect you. That's depressing.  Is it true? Maybe, maybe not.  But studying public health, I know that what you're born into does matter.  I think stories of rags to riches are so inspiring to us because we subconsciously understand how difficult it really is to overcome everything that "rags" entails. I wish people were more conscious of it.

In the book, Gatsby's relationship with his father breaks my heart.  It's so wistfully tender.  Gatsby doesn't bring his father into his new world.  He can't.  His father doesn't belong in the world into which Gatsby is so desperately trying to fit. But he loves his father.  His boyhood list includes that he wants to be better to his parents.  He gives his father money.  But he can't be in both worlds.  To acknowledge his past is to be excluded from the future he desires. I was really disappointed that they cut this aspect out of the movie. It's very telling of the purity of Gatsby's heart and I felt like the audience should have seen it.  And understood more why Gatsby is good.

The casting was phenomenal. Everyone nailed it. What a story. About human nature, privilege and responsibility. Pure, cuttingly raw, innocent, and passionate emotion, masked and confused by fun and excess.  Yes, it resonates with humanity today.

Anyway, those are my brief thoughts:)

How our Brain Interprets Media Imagery

Without getting too scientific, there are biological reasons that we respond to messages about beauty.  

There are three primary sections of the brain we're going to focus on.
Forebrain: the most developed part of the brain. It's logical, and thinks critically.  It remembers and works out problems.
Middle brain: this brain interprets thoughts and produces emotion.  It is illogical.  It can't reason.  It responds to external and internal stimuli (like seeing an image or thinking a thought.)
Brain stem: the least developed part of the brain.  It's primitive, concerned mainly with keeping your DNA on this earth by keeping you alive (chances to eat, being aware of danger) and reproducing (chances for potential mates.)

Thinking is learned.  Did you know that? We learn how to think and interpret what we think.  Our thoughts have patterns. Critical thinking is taught so we learn to question if our thoughts are valid.  We can learn to have positive, constructive thoughts rather than negative, destructive thoughts.  We are pretty good at manipulating the forebrain.  But the middle brain is a little more elusive. The words we think are concrete.  The feelings we feel are more abstract. They are harder to recognize and regulate.  And very difficult to manipulate with logic. 

So here's what happens.  A woman sees a picture of a beautiful woman- or a picture of a beautiful woman receiving attention from a man.  Her primitive brain recognizes it a something sexual and desirable.  It says "Hey, midbrain, we should be like that so we can keep our DNA on this earth." Midbrain passes along the message to the forebrain.  Forebrain is logical.  It says, "Mmm, we don't look quite like that woman.  Since all we get from this imagery is that she's hot (we know nothing about her morals, sense of humor, intelligence) I don't think we can be quite like her."  Midbrain is a little childish and gets upset when forebrain says this. It reacts with emotions.  "Why aren't we like this? Why can't we be? It's not fair!  We don't deserve a mate!" Sometimes forebrain hears these rants and tries to calm midbrain down with soothing thoughts, "It's okay, she's photoshopped, no one looks like that in real life, we're desirable and worthy of a mate just the way we are."

Many times, we're distracted though, and don't realize that midbrain is having a meltdown while we're watching our favorite TV show or reading a magazine.  And midbrain doesn't really understand what photoshop is.  Brain stem really doesn't understand.  There was never a biological situation before this time where it was necessary to distinguish a real image from a false image.  When we see a human being, our primitive brain can't tell it's not real.  Read: even when we logically understand this is an impossible standard of beauty with which to compare ourselves, our less developed brain areas do not.

Some women struggle because they know that logically, it's impossible to look like a photoshopped, make up wearing, posed, well lit image of a woman, but they don't know it emotionally.  They are confused because they think they can outsmart their brain's natural processes.

What can be done then?  Are we all just victims in an increasingly oppressive beauty society?
No!  There are some things we can do.

1. Limit media exposure.  Just say no to exposing yourself to unrealistic images and conceptions of women.  In our society, it's impossible to escape advertisement.  But a lot of what we see we choose to see in film, magazines, TV and other media.
2. Listen to your midbrain.  Become aware of when you feel sad about how you are/look.  Address those feelings.  Allow yourself to feel that way.  Understand why you feel that way to stop feeling that way in the future. (E.G. Please, please, pleeease never watch the Victoria's Secret fashion show.)
3. Think and say positive affirmations.  When you notice yourself thinking, "Wow, I should really lose some weight," or "I need some new wrinkle cream," or whatever...stop.  Pause and consciously send a message to your subconscious   Say, "I am beautiful and worthwhile the way I am.  I am enough.  I am valuable.  I am not a victim of society's standards." Etcetera. 
4. Be real.  Live in the moment.  Be connected.  Spend time with real people, helping, serving, interacting.  It will help you keep a proper perspective and remember what's really important.
5. Help other people struggling with the same issues.  We all have times of strength and times of weakness.  Be a beacon to others when you can, and allow yourself to be lifted by others when you are feeling weak.

No More a Stranger: Ending Personal Loneliness

Loneliness has been on my mind the last few months.  My Bishop talks a lot about how we should never allow ourselves to be lonely.  

We usually blame other people for our loneliness.  It makes sense on the surface; we are always with ourselves, it's the presence of other people that keeps away loneliness, ergo other people hold the control.  But however logical it may seem, this is false.  

Sometimes single college kids feel like if they could just find "the one," loneliness would be over.  This is not true either. It will still be a challenge to not feel lonely while being a stay-at-home mom, alone with kids all day, or working a job in your own secluded office forty hours a week.  Not feeling lonely requires a skill set, and those skills won't become obsolete when you have your own family.

There have been times in my life when I felt intensely lonely.  I feel one would be hard pressed to find someone who hasn't felt that way. The last few years, however, I've learned a lot about how to stave off loneliness.  And the fact is, that very little of what I've learned has to do with the actions of other people.

What I've learned about ending personal loneliness:

1. YOLO.  Stop caring about what other people think. Seriously, though.  Stick it to the man.   The most liberating thing you do is stop worrying about what other people think about you, because what other people think about you really doesn't matter much. It doesn't have to affect you. Once you realize this, you free yourself up to focus on more important things.  Like others.
2. People all have image hang-ups and self-esteem issues. Stop assuming that just because someone is ripped or skinny or in any other way "attractive," that they feel confident all the time.  No one is immune to the cultural messages that perfection is the only acceptable type of beauty.  No one  is perfect; don't be intimidated by someone because you think they have it all.  I believe that everyone is beautiful, stunning even, in their own way.  The more yourself you become, the more beautiful you will be. So don't fret that people don't want your friendship because they're too cool for you. Being confident about yourself is way more attractive than hustling to conform.
3. No one is smart and witty all the time. Don't worry if you say something dumb.  You're probably the only person that's ever happened to.  Oh, wait.  That happens to everyone, to some of us on a daily basis.;)  Acting like you never say stupid things is ridiculous! Embrace it. Don't refrain from reaching out to someone because you're afraid you'll say something dumb.  If you do, just laugh about it, correct it, or if it's a lost cause, walk away and try again.  Bonus: Your communication will improve only as you practice and  learn how to better express yourself.
4. People don't really want to hurt you. People say and do hurtful things.  This is a reflection of how they feel, not of you. Again: Not about you.  Don't be afraid to make friends with people because you think they'll hurt you.  Because it's not about you.  Instead, put yourself in their shoes.  Try to understand what the real issue is. Empathy, peeps.  Also: Look for this in yourself.  When you are rude to someone, apologize and calm down and look for the real cause.  Are your really angry that your roommate put her milk in your section of the fridge?  Or was it that you had a rough day at school? You're tired? You're frustrated that your attempts at organization are failing?  
5. It's okay if you feel lonely every once in a while. Really.  Cry.  Hang out with Ben & Jerry. Just know that they way you feel is temporary.  You will wake up feeling better. People worry that once they start letting their emotions come out, they won't be able to stop them.  This is usually because they have been "bottling" them up.  Don't bottle.  Let 'em out.  Let yourself feel and heal.  If you can't, seek professional help. I reiterate: They're professionals.  They can help.
6. You are your own best friend. Get to know yourself, your likes and dislikes, be happy spending time by yourself doing things you love. Start doing those things that you say you do when people ask you about your hobbies.  Don't find them fulfilling? Find something that captures your interest.  Read. Cook.  Build airplanes.  Teach.  There is something out there that can ignite your passion.
7. Know your worth.  Value yourself.  I can't over stress this. If you know you're worthwhile, you will exude that and people will see you the same way.  If you don't view yourself as worthwhile, people will pickup on that too.  Hint: You are worthwhile, so don't think for one second that you're the exception to this rule.  You are not your own.  You were bought with a price, the blood of the Son of God.  That's pretty valuable.  If you don't know your worth now, make it a top priority to really discover it.
8. Family matters. Raise your hand if you have a perfect family. Okay, no one does.  Now that we've settled that, family relationships are important!  No matter what the situation is, do the best you can to bond with your family. They will be there for you in ways friends can't be. Don't brush them off. Look for the good.  Spend time learning from your family and from other families about how you want your future family to be. 
9. Nurture the friendships you already have. Value the friends you do have.  If you don't have any, value your acquaintances until they become friends.  When you feel lonely, it's easy to feel that you have no one.  Check Facebook, okay?  All of those people care about you enough not to block you.  That's a start:)  Befriend your friends.
10. Reach out. Obvi.  People always wish that others would approach them and make friends with them. I'll tell you a secret: if you never approach anyone, people won't approach you.  Because you will have made yourself unapproachable.  The very thing that draws people to you is your ability to reach out and make them feel wanted and welcome.
11. God is the only constant. He's the only one who can pick you up every time you fall.  He's the only one who will give you undeservable love.  It's He who will complete you, challenge you, engage you, and make you your best self.  We were blessed with the gift of the Holy Ghost to be our constant companion when we were baptized.  We are never alone. 

You can do what you want where you are with what you have.

I misread a quote today to say "You can do what you want, where you are, with what you have." It must have been a message from my subconscious.  I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with things I want to do that seem so far out of reach.  One of my main New Year's Resolutions was to live up to my privilege, meaning, rather than wanting more, to first fully use what I have.   

"Drops of Awesome:" Positivity

I just read "Drops of Awesome," by Daring Young Mom.  It was so inspirational.  She talked about how whenever you have a positive thought about something you're doing well, you remember that you're not doing it perfectly, and you feel discouraged.

I, like most people, am a perfectionist.  My own weaknesses (for lack of a better word) disgust me.  I have a desire to be perfect, to be unashamed of who I am, but it's hard because I'm not perfect (shocker) and I do LOTS of embarrassing things. :)

But I also do good things.  Both statements are true. I do good things and I do stupid things.  So I have to choose which one to focus on.  I choose positivity.  Things are the way they are, they don't affect how I think, feel and act.  How I interpret them affects how I think, feel and act.

None of us are perfect, but we're not lost causes either.  Focusing on the small victories adds meaning to a confusing life:)

In Love with Reality

A few days ago I was talking to an acquaintance. He asked me what my wildest dream was, if I could do/have one thing, what would it be?  I ventured a few dreams, but he kept turning them down.  He said it had to be something BIG, something fantastic that could never really happen in real life.

Call me short on imagination, but I couldn't think of one single dream that I didn't think had a chance of coming true.  When I explained this, he was surprised, then exclaimed, "You're in love with reality!"

I like to think that I am:)  What is reality?  From an existentialist point of view, reality is neither good nor bad; it just is.  The way we respond to it then becomes our "reality."  So, you are the one who determines your reality.  I loved President Utchdorf's talk in which he talked about dying people's regrets.  He said one of the most common (and surprising) regrets is that people "wished they had allowed themselves to be happier."

It is up to us to determine if we respond to life with bitterness or gratitude, love or hate. That becomes our reality.

End the Glorification of "Busy."

I manage our business Facebook page.  You know how Facebook will prompt you to update your status by saying, "What's on your mind?"  On the business pages, it will prompt you with other things, like "Are you doing anything special for the holidays?" or "Share something with your audience..."

Today, the prompt really stood out to me.  It said "Tell people what you're busy with today..."  I have recently been thinking a lot about "busyness."  I have a friend whose life motto is "End the glorification of 'busy.'"


Elder Utchdorf commented on the glorification of busy:
"And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life.

Is it?

I think of our Lord and Exemplar, Jesus Christ, and His short life among the people of Galilee and Jerusalem. I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.

I can’t see it."

We live in a culture of stress and overabundance.  We run from work, school, practice, lessons, parties and errands in an endless whirlwind of busyness.  Maybe it makes us feel important.  Maybe we look down on those who are not busy because we are jealous of them.  We may think we have to do all these things. When we see people with the focus to say no, people with control over their lives, people who delegate and are interdependent, maybe we are a bit envious.

We know that the way they are living is good, better than the meaningless hustle and bustle.  They seem to posses such clarity; we feel embarrassed to be so overwhelmed.  So we start to make excuses about why we need to be so busy, and we defensively attack non-busy people questioning whether they are as needed or important or high-functioning as us.

Of course, life does get busy at times.  But it's one thing to get busy once in a while, and quite another to live as an angry American, ready to explode the second a car cuts in front of you on the road.  Life is not meant to be lived that way.

I am a fan of yoga and meditation.  When you are so high strung all the time, it's hard to slow down and connect with your body.  It's sad that we get that way.  We forget how to feel.

There is an interesting phenomenon that occurs when busy people first experience yoga. They cry.  Even if they're not sad.  They feel the weight of things that have happened to them years ago.  They breakdown after being overwhelmed for far too long.  They finally take the time to slow down and connect with their bodies.  They feel.

Busyness is jading.  It forces people to go into survival mode because they can't emotionally handle all of the stimulation they're experiencing.  This is a great mechanism when you have to go through really stressful times.  But it can be hard to turn that off when the stressful times are over. It takes conscious effort to clear our minds and schedules and end the glorification of busy.

New Year's Resolutions

Rosi, being a creep;)

 I'm thinking about what I want to resolve to do in the year 2013.  2012 is going to be pretty hard to top. I graduated college.  Bought a car.  Got my first REAL job.  Got certified to do HIV testing and counseling.  Bunch o' stuff.

However, I've learned that the best New Year's resolutions are not the huge-o ones.  In fact, the best (by far) New Year's resolution I've ever set was a very simple one.

I would consider myself a well-rounded person.  A Renaissance Woman, if you will.  And so I usually set several goals for things I'd like to improve upon in all areas of my life, even though I know that's not the best way to set achievable goals, because I just can't help it.  But about 3 years ago,  I didn't have the gumption to do an end-of-year life inventory.  But it didn't take an inventory to notice that my bedroom was constantly a wreak, and that my clothes rarely made it to the closet.  With my hectic freshman lifestyle, I'd usually do my wash, dump it on the desk, and just wear my clothes from there till they were all dirty again.  It was a vicious cycle.   So resolved to never go to bed with out putting my laundry away.

And I never have since!  For the last three years, my room has been unbelievably cleaner.  It was easy to remember, (I didn't have to consult my goal chart in my journal) and even when I was suuuper tired and ready to fall into bed, I made myself put away my laundry.  I got incredibly fast at it :)

So what's it going to be this year???