Maid and Butler / Professor Plum and Mrs. White...?

Maid and butler/ Mrs. White and Professor Plum

Halloween is upon us again!!! Since I wanted to spend zero dollars on a Halloween costume this year... Okay, I spent about five...

I decided to be a non-scandalous French maid. Or, you know, just an American maid ;)

I already had the black dress, tights, shoes, jewelry and handkerchief (in my hair). The adorable frilly apron was something I picked up when I was living in El Salvador. All the vendadoras wear them, so there are huge pockets to sell from and a zippered pocket to keep money in. Super handy:)

I spent $1 on some perfect stretchy lace trim from Joann's and sewed them into little cuffs for my wrists. I actually ended up making the feather duster. I bought one from the Dollar Tree, thinking I could spruce it up...but there was metal on the inside... anyway, it didn't work. I stole the plastic pieces for the top and bottom and glued them onto a $1 wooden dowel I got at Joann's and hot glued in a $2 pack of feathers. (And I ended up with a new Dollar Tree duster as well ;D) I painted the dowel white with some white paint we had lying around. 

These pics are from our ward date night. My date wanted to match, so I told him I was being a maid and he could be a butler if he wanted :) BUT this is what he ended up wearing (he was also carrying a white hand towel and giant cleaver) and after a couple of highly impressed people asked if we were Mrs. White and Professor Plum...we decided to go with that:)

Oh, and btdubs, we totally won the costume contest. Not like it's a big deal or anything. But whatever. ;) (JK, I'm super duper proud of it. Go for the "W." I wish they'd given us a trophy.)

Oh, gol, so cute.

And here we are on Halloween! Some of us went to a corn maze down by Utah Lake. It was really fun. Elena was our guide and I think we only made like, one wrong turn the entire maze. 

After that, half of them went to a dance party, then to watch a scary movie. I was pretty much danced out, and I HATE scary movies, so a few of us just chilled at home and ate treats and played truth or truth. :) Great Halloween!

I changed up my costume a little with a long sleeved shirt under my dress ( mostly so I wouldn't get cold...) and a white bow headband in my hair instead of the bun and handkerchief. I think I liked the bow better:)

Dinner and Hiking

I went on a dinner/hike date. It's a little tricky deciding what to wear for dinner and a hike, since those are pretty opposite, nonetheless, two of my very favorite activities:)  

I decided on a red plaid flannel shirt, grey stretchy pants from forever 21 (hello, $8), and a white statement necklace. (Which I actually FINALLY found the perfect white statement necklace! Guess where? Walmart. $5.)  I wore beige boots that I could hike in but that looked cuter than wearing my running shoes to dinner. For the hike, I ditched the necklace and braided my hair. 

I think I'm sooo sassy

Cardboard Boat Regatta!!!

So, I came across an article online about cardboard boat racing. And my roommates and I got the crazy idea that it would be a good idea to try it:) We decided to get to work and make boats for our next roommate date night!




To start out, we got some giant cardboard boxes from our friend who works at a furniture store.  We cut out boat shapes and stuck them together with duct tape (for waterproofness) and masking tape (for paintability.) I made a little bench in the middle of mine to reinforce it from collapsing in on the sides.

This was Molly's boat in the cardboard process

After they were fully sealed, we covered them with Kool Seal roofing patch. This rubberized the cardboard to make it more water resistant.

Then, we spray painted them with waterproof spray paint, but mostly it was to make them look beautiful ;)  Didn't Aphrodite turn out pretty!?!?

We took them out on the lake! Some of them did better than others, and I'm happy to report Aphrodite did excellent.

As we shifted our weight around, some of the taped up seams started coming undone, resulting in the inner layers of cardboard getting soggy. But still, she held up pretty well!

This is David and Cait. Unfortunately, they went down! You can see us paddling around in the background:)

It was really a fun adventure, and I'd fully recommend it to anyone who wants to try:)

Afterwards. She was getting pretty soggy!

Girls Only Want Boyfriends Who Have Great Skills: Media Case Studies of Skills and Confidence

Napoleon Dynamite came on in the gym the other day. I started to think about how it, and many other movies, resonate the lesson taught in  this really excellent post on Cracked.com (warning, there is some very uncouth language). It talked about how yes, it's essential to be nice and good and true inside, but ONLY BECAUSE OF WHAT IT MAKES US DO. Said another way, faith without works is dead.

If you are not a surgeon, you will not be able to operate on a gunshot victim, no matter how worthy your desire to do so.  Similarly if you don't have "skills," some kind of commodity you can offer the world, you won't be successful in any aspect of life, love, work, school, friends. From the Cracked post:

"What, so you're saying that I can't get girls...unless I have a nice job and make lots of money?"  

No, your brain jumps to that conclusion so you have an excuse to write off everyone who rejects you by thinking that they're just being shallow and selfish. I'm asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don't say that you're a nice guy -- that's the bare minimum... The patient is bleeding in the street. Do you know how to operate or not."

I love this. Everyone has something to offer on the inside! But, if you only have it on the inside, the only person it benefits is you. Why do you need skills? Why would it be important to have a boyfriend (or girlfriend, we're not being sexist) with skills? With something of value to offer?

Because people have real needs.
The people around us need things and they will find someone who can offer what they need. In a great exchange two entities (like a couple, a work place and employee, etc.) have something the other needs. They are both richer for the exchange. The miracle of business.

Here's the real shebang: having skills gives us that most magical of all words, Confidence.
Guys hate that girls only like "confident guys," thinking all confident guys are jerks. False. Confident guys are confident because they know they have skills. Once you have a skill and you know you have it, it's impossible not to have confidence. Are you ever worried that you'll fail at writing your name? Does your hand get sweaty as you pick up that pen and prepare to write? No. Because you have mastered that skill and you know you have. Confidence isn't something you have to try really hard to have. It's impossible not to have once you've mastered a skill.  And the cool thing is, the more skills you master, the more confidence you have, it transfers from one skill area to your overall being. You have confidence in you "skill" to master skills. (Ha:).

If we want to be successful then, we have to have skills, be aware of them, and use them to benefit the world.


Now we're going to have some fun exploring this concept in a few movies. 

Napoleon Dynamite knows the truth: 

Ah, poor Napoleon. He can't get the girl of his dreams, because he has no skills. What happens? Throughout the movie he a) Gains skills (horseback riding? dancing obviously, karate, campaigning) and b) Demonstrates them to the world (dancing in front of the school, helping Pedro run for SBP) and c) Gains confidence through his successful mastery of those skills (when the school applauds him, when Pedro wins).
After doing all this, he has CONFIDENCE enough to ask his main squeeze to play a round of volleyball. Righteous. He didn't when he first met her. He had nothing of benefit to offer her at their first interaction. She felt uncomfortable. But as their friendship grew and she saw that he was a great guy with a good heart that he manifested through external acts, she started liking him. How would the story have been different if Napoleon hadn't learned to dance? Campaign for Pedro? Do karate? He would have been a "nice guy" who she wrote off. Not BECAUSE he was nice, but because he didn't do anything with it to benefit people external to himself.

Walter Mitty knows the meaning of LIFE:
"To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other and to feel. That is the purpose of life."

Walter daydreams because he's unhappy with the life he's living. He has skills for sure, but not all the ones he wants/needs and he's not confident in the skills he has (i.e. introducing himself and his job to the beard guy, he's hardly confident). He goes adventuring and does actual things that are important for him to do as a TIME Magazine worker. Like actually travel, and chase down a needed picture.
He a) Gains skills and uses skills he didn't know he had (traveling, swimming in shark infested waters, hiking, talking to people) and b) Demonstrates them to the world (chasing down the picture, not giving up, traveling to get the missing photo) and c) Gains confidence through his successful mastery of those skills (talks confidently to Cheryl, talks confidently to the beard guy, gets the photo). In the end, he (spoiler alert) ends up with his face on the cover of LIFE Magazine, has a chance with Cheryl, and gains some respect from beard guy. What if Walter hadn't pursued those new skills? He would have nothing to offer beard guy for the magazine cover, Cheryl would have no reason to talk to him, and he wouldn't have hundreds of winks on his eHarmony page.

 Tom understands the painful irony of not using your skills to benefit the world:
Partygoer: So Tom, what is it that you do? 
Tom: I uh, I write greeting cards. 
Summer: Tom could be a really great architect if he wanted to be. 
Partygoer: That's unusual, I mean, what made you go from one to the other? 
Tom: I guess I just figured, why make something disposable like a building when you can make something that lasts forever, like a greeting card. 

 Tom meets a girl he likes while working at a greeting card office. They kinda like each other, but in the end, Summer doesn't feel right about it.  After the break up, Tom starts to revolutionize himself.
He a) Gains skills (applying for jobs, dressing professionally) and also brushes up on skills he already has (drafting architecture) b) Demonstrates them to the world (preparing architecture draft samples, applying for jobs, not giving up) and c) Gains confidence through his successful mastery of those skills (interviews at places way more professional than where he was working before). In the final scene, Tom is professional and confident as he shows up to an interview. He meets a girl and after a brief hesitation, confidently and respectfully asks her out. Remember, when he met Summer his techniques were wayyyy less confident, like playing music, dropping hints, showing up at office parties. His confidence increased because even if he's not 100% where he wants to be right now (he's still unemployed) he's using his skills to try to benefit others. What about Autumn? Would she have been impressed if she met the rumpled greeting card writer he was a year previously? Probably not. Not because he's a nice guy, but because he wasn't doing anything productive with his life.

So, there are lots of variations.

We may be a Napoleon, with no skills: get crackin' on learning some skills.

We may be a Walter, someone who has skills but doesn't really know that yet: start exploring and trying those skills in the real world.

We may be a Tom, fully aware we have skills, but lacking the external manifestation to benefit others: step up and start blessing other people's lives with our rad skills!

Read what Elder Richard G. Scott says about friendship being based on personal merit and selfless service.

My Favorite Disney Princess Moment of All Time

Someone asked me recently who my favorite Disney prince was. It's not that hard, most of them have no personality;) I was a little tied between the Beast and Eric, but then I thought of (and dramatically reenacted) my favorite Disney moment of all time and I knew Eric was the right choice. 

The above quote is probably some of the most honest and loving advice a Disney prince ever gets. Most Disney princes/princesses have seemingly no connections, or very unreliable role models/parental support. The aptly named Grimsby however, gives this advice to Eric in a tender moment one night on the beach as Eric is weighed down with the decisions he has to make. 

It's a decision that I suppose everyone has to make, "Do I wait for what I dreamed of and wanted, or do I accept a real love that is right in front of me, awesome but not perfect, and good for me?" I think the beautiful irony is that Ariel is in fact his dream girl, the very exact same one who rescued him. It's just he wasn't able to recognize that in the context of the imperfection of real life (ie, she's lost her voice, is a little awkward on two legs). He doesn't recognize his "dream girl" when he sees her because of how she is in his head. (I mean, even Max can figure it out...) 

After Eric's brief interlude with Grimsby, he glances up and sees Ariel on the balcony. They have a cute/awkward moment, and Eric smiles.

I think this is the moment he realizes that he really does care about this girl. Then he does it. My favorite Disney princess movie moment of all time. He looks down at his flute, pauses for a second, then throws it into the sea and starts to walk back into the palace. 

Yes, he is immediately foiled by an evil sea witch, but still. The beauty of the moment is not lost. Eric had been playing over and over the melody of his "dream girl," that he heard on the beach. To the audience, we know that he made the right choice because his dream girl is in the palace, but to him, Ariel isn't his dream girl. She's a girl he's starting to fall for, but he still thinks his other "dream girl," is someone else. Throwing his flute away symbolizes him letting go of his expectations and dreams. But he's not really just throwing them away, he's sacrificing them. That is, he's giving up something good for something of far greater worth: a personal dream for an actual loving relationship with a wonderful girl, whom he later realizes is exactly what he wanted and dreamed of.

What if he hadn't? What if he'd kept playing his flute? Married Ursula? Or worse- married Ariel only for what she was to him, a fulfilled dream, not for who she was. How would Ariel feel, knowing he wouldn't have chosen her for her if she hadn't fit the criteria of his dream. That's not a relationship, because he's not relating to her. As he gets to know her, they form a relationship, and he is given the choice: hold out and seek someone to fulfill his own dream, or relate to, care for and protect someone who will do the same for him. And I think he made the right choice.:)

Jack-o-Lanterns!

My cute roommates

Halloween is upon us and my rommates wanted to have an "apartment date night" and carve Jack-o-Lanterns!  It was more work than I remember as a kid....and a little less exciting;)  Lots of guts, and I happened to choose a pumpkin with remarkably thick veggie. That was kind of hard to cut through with our butter knives. 

I don't know why we didn't win the competition...

BUT...it was still fun!  There's something satisfying about participating in holiday traditions.  The smell of the pumpkin guts spread all over newspaper brought back memories of elementary school competitions and my determination to create the PERFECT pumpkin.  I would walk into the gym after school and see all our pumpkins lined up on the stairs of the stage and hope that mine had a ribbon pinned to it!  Being roommates with Molly and Mikayla, ("Always go for the W!!! (Which is the 'win' for those of you who don't know...)) alas, we didn't win this competition judged by our helpful next door neighbor.

Jack.

Which, I don't know why because our Jack-o-Lantern was the epitome of Halloween-y traditionalism.  

Happy Halloween!!!

Dinosaur Museum!

Scared face?  Fail.

We went to the Dinosaur Museum!!!! At Thanksgiving point, they have $2 Tuesdays in August!  So we went to the dino museum last week and this week is the gardens:)  I loved going through the museum, they had really cool stuff, but it seemed cramped the way they had it set up.  Too bad.  But still really cool:)  #DinoDate :)

52 New Things: Gloria's little Italy (30 to go)

We went to dinner at Gloria's Little Italy. :)  This place is the fountain of all comfort.  I would say comfort food, but that would discredit the ambiance. We had bruchetta for appetizers. It was fantatic.  The flavors were so fresh and intense.  I loved their balsamic vinaigrette. We also had the special of that day.  I can't remember what it was called, something-bandera. It was called bandera, which means flag, because there was the three colors of sauce.  Pink cream sauce on the bottom, pesto angel hair pasta, and Parmesan chicken on top with marinara sauce.  YUMMY!!!

We went Friday night and there was an accordian player there:)  He was really good!  He had a lovely classical voice and played familiar tunes.  The lighting was low and there was richly colored drape-y fabric sectioning off rooms.  There was lots of Itallian artwork and pottery.  Such a beautiful experience:)  Totally worth it.

Break Ups Take A Toll

Break ups suck. I do not care who you are or which end of the break up you were on.  I don't care how much more happiness you found post break up, or how liberated you felt after it was over.  They still suck.  You will still wake up in the middle of the night and remember you broke up.  You will have that feeling in your stomach even when you're not thinking about it.  Isn't it funny how the body remembers what the mind chooses to forget?

I was sitting on the grass a few nights ago with a bunch of my girlfriends.  One of them was telling us her drama, and I was looking around at all the girls realizing we had all gone through a rough patch in the dating world lately.  Were the stars just misaligned? I don't know.:)  Maybe you just notice it more when it's happening to you and your friends.  There's so much pain in the world.  But there's so much goodness, too.  I can't get on Facebook without hearing beautiful news that someone's engaged or having a baby or budding a new relationship.

I like to focus on the positive.  But I also am a believer in feeling what you need to feel and not bottling your emotions.  I commented to one of my friends the other day that breakups in general just suck.  He said, "not ALL breakups suck..."  He's been fortunate to stay friends with those he's broken up with.  I wonder if his girls would agree that breakups don't all suck?  Maybe my language was too strong, so I toned it down with, "Yes, but all breakups take a toll." He looked at me like he'd never considered it before.


They do.  It's not the end of the world, but they take a toll.  They are emotionally exhausting.  They take a lot of energy and thought and emotion.  There are a lot of repercussions.  Personal repercussions are obvious.  But you also have to deal with the rest of the world and reassure them while you're vulnerable.  If you were the one broken up with, you're obviously vulnerable.  If you were the one who broke it off, you're still vulnerable.  If it was a good relationship at all, you're questioning your decision and feeling pressure that you're setting your sights too high.  Dealing with people while you're in that vulnerable state is hard.

Your mutual friends are hard. It's awkward.  You don't know how much you should say and if you're a good person, you probably don't want to say too much and taint their opinion/relationship with your ex. You have to learn how to interact with your ex in a normal way when you hang out with mutual friends.

Your exclusive friends are hard. Dealing with awkward, ill-timed questions. Because you play it off as no big deal.  You're glad there's less to explain, but you also maybe wish they understood more.

Your family is hard.  My family falls in love with my boys faster than I do:)  After my family meets them it's hopeless.  Facebook has not helped this phenomenon.  It's hard to tell your family. They offer you comfort, but you know they are disappointed on your behalf, as well as there own.  After all, they want you to be happy.  And they want gradkids and nieces and nephews.

Your coworkers.  Also hard.  Because they likely don't know much.  But they find out if you start crying at work or your job performance is just lower than usual.  It's hard to hide your feelings from people you are around for eight hours a day.

Your married friends.  Very hard.  They're disappointed because they want you to be happy, and they want you to be able to socialize with them more.  Of course you can still be friends with married couples, but there are just a lot of activities single people do that are not really that interesting to married people, especially if they have kids.  It's especially annoying when married friends seem exasperated that you just can't get it right and figure it out and join them in the married world. Lol.  Like you really need that chastisement when your hurting.

Your singles ward.  Mmm hmm.  Awkward.  As one of my good friends likes to say, "If you pee in the pool then you have to swim in it." Breakups within a ward are Awk.Ward.

Facebook.  Just don't do it.  Seriously.  Your hundreds of acquaintances don't need to be privy to your dating status.  Wait until your ready to get engaged. Then delete the story if you break up. And the universe apologizes for the awkwardness that will ensue when people find out anyway.

It seems like the solution is just never saying anything to anyone. Keeping strictly mum about your dating life. But that can be the most painful of all.  Because having no one to explain things to also means you have no one to lean on, no one to talk to, and no one there to help you recover.  So what do you do?  Perhaps it's not existentialist to think that all breakups cause emotion; but it is existentialist to acknowledge that the pain and awkwardness are just temporary, they are not bad in and of themselves.  They are just a part of life to be dealt with like every other part of life:) With patience, hope and trust.

No More a Stranger: Ending Personal Loneliness

Loneliness has been on my mind the last few months.  My Bishop talks a lot about how we should never allow ourselves to be lonely.  

We usually blame other people for our loneliness.  It makes sense on the surface; we are always with ourselves, it's the presence of other people that keeps away loneliness, ergo other people hold the control.  But however logical it may seem, this is false.  

Sometimes single college kids feel like if they could just find "the one," loneliness would be over.  This is not true either. It will still be a challenge to not feel lonely while being a stay-at-home mom, alone with kids all day, or working a job in your own secluded office forty hours a week.  Not feeling lonely requires a skill set, and those skills won't become obsolete when you have your own family.

There have been times in my life when I felt intensely lonely.  I feel one would be hard pressed to find someone who hasn't felt that way. The last few years, however, I've learned a lot about how to stave off loneliness.  And the fact is, that very little of what I've learned has to do with the actions of other people.

What I've learned about ending personal loneliness:

1. YOLO.  Stop caring about what other people think. Seriously, though.  Stick it to the man.   The most liberating thing you do is stop worrying about what other people think about you, because what other people think about you really doesn't matter much. It doesn't have to affect you. Once you realize this, you free yourself up to focus on more important things.  Like others.
2. People all have image hang-ups and self-esteem issues. Stop assuming that just because someone is ripped or skinny or in any other way "attractive," that they feel confident all the time.  No one is immune to the cultural messages that perfection is the only acceptable type of beauty.  No one  is perfect; don't be intimidated by someone because you think they have it all.  I believe that everyone is beautiful, stunning even, in their own way.  The more yourself you become, the more beautiful you will be. So don't fret that people don't want your friendship because they're too cool for you. Being confident about yourself is way more attractive than hustling to conform.
3. No one is smart and witty all the time. Don't worry if you say something dumb.  You're probably the only person that's ever happened to.  Oh, wait.  That happens to everyone, to some of us on a daily basis.;)  Acting like you never say stupid things is ridiculous! Embrace it. Don't refrain from reaching out to someone because you're afraid you'll say something dumb.  If you do, just laugh about it, correct it, or if it's a lost cause, walk away and try again.  Bonus: Your communication will improve only as you practice and  learn how to better express yourself.
4. People don't really want to hurt you. People say and do hurtful things.  This is a reflection of how they feel, not of you. Again: Not about you.  Don't be afraid to make friends with people because you think they'll hurt you.  Because it's not about you.  Instead, put yourself in their shoes.  Try to understand what the real issue is. Empathy, peeps.  Also: Look for this in yourself.  When you are rude to someone, apologize and calm down and look for the real cause.  Are your really angry that your roommate put her milk in your section of the fridge?  Or was it that you had a rough day at school? You're tired? You're frustrated that your attempts at organization are failing?  
5. It's okay if you feel lonely every once in a while. Really.  Cry.  Hang out with Ben & Jerry. Just know that they way you feel is temporary.  You will wake up feeling better. People worry that once they start letting their emotions come out, they won't be able to stop them.  This is usually because they have been "bottling" them up.  Don't bottle.  Let 'em out.  Let yourself feel and heal.  If you can't, seek professional help. I reiterate: They're professionals.  They can help.
6. You are your own best friend. Get to know yourself, your likes and dislikes, be happy spending time by yourself doing things you love. Start doing those things that you say you do when people ask you about your hobbies.  Don't find them fulfilling? Find something that captures your interest.  Read. Cook.  Build airplanes.  Teach.  There is something out there that can ignite your passion.
7. Know your worth.  Value yourself.  I can't over stress this. If you know you're worthwhile, you will exude that and people will see you the same way.  If you don't view yourself as worthwhile, people will pickup on that too.  Hint: You are worthwhile, so don't think for one second that you're the exception to this rule.  You are not your own.  You were bought with a price, the blood of the Son of God.  That's pretty valuable.  If you don't know your worth now, make it a top priority to really discover it.
8. Family matters. Raise your hand if you have a perfect family. Okay, no one does.  Now that we've settled that, family relationships are important!  No matter what the situation is, do the best you can to bond with your family. They will be there for you in ways friends can't be. Don't brush them off. Look for the good.  Spend time learning from your family and from other families about how you want your future family to be. 
9. Nurture the friendships you already have. Value the friends you do have.  If you don't have any, value your acquaintances until they become friends.  When you feel lonely, it's easy to feel that you have no one.  Check Facebook, okay?  All of those people care about you enough not to block you.  That's a start:)  Befriend your friends.
10. Reach out. Obvi.  People always wish that others would approach them and make friends with them. I'll tell you a secret: if you never approach anyone, people won't approach you.  Because you will have made yourself unapproachable.  The very thing that draws people to you is your ability to reach out and make them feel wanted and welcome.
11. God is the only constant. He's the only one who can pick you up every time you fall.  He's the only one who will give you undeservable love.  It's He who will complete you, challenge you, engage you, and make you your best self.  We were blessed with the gift of the Holy Ghost to be our constant companion when we were baptized.  We are never alone. 

J-J-Jaded

Perfect first post for an existentialist blog ;)

Although I may claim to be an aspiring existentialist, who looks at the good and the bad in life and does the best she can without getting dragged down by the drama... I am also a Homo Sapien.  I.E., I feel things deeply and have a developmental biological response to things that happen to me.

Seems pretty obvious, but it was pointed out to me a few days ago like it hasn't been in a while.  I went back to an old apartment complex I used to live for a dance party with some friends.  Three guys I used to date happened to be there.  (Aren't I lucky??)

It brought up a lot of memories and emotions I hadn't felt in the last few months.  Now that it's all passed, I was looking back with a lot more clarity.

I realized that I had been totally jaded by the first of those guys (sorry other two that had to deal with that...). It blew my mind, because I thought I was rational, and above getting so deeply hurt by a breakup.  I had felt manipulated and betrayed and humiliated, and I was determined never to feel that way again.  So I put up a wall around myself without even realizing it.

 The last few months I've been really lucky and gone out with some fantastic guys, who have helped me let down that wall and be happy and vulnerable again, without such a fear of getting hurt.

It's always good to look back and realize that you've healed. :)  Even though it's embarrassing to think there was a time you were that emotionally unhealthy (and unaware).  But, surprise, we're Homo Sapiens and it happens.