Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Lorde - Royals --Most Incredible Song

So this is my most recent song obsession.  I love everything about it.  The lyrics.  The harmonies.  The afro beat.  I love the solemn intensity.  The seriousness and commitment to not caring.  To the impossible.  The difference.  It's ennobling and empowering.  It is focused.

I've never seen a diamond in the fleshI cut my teeth on wedding rings in the moviesAnd I'm not proud of my addressIn the torn up town, no post code envy
But every song's like:Gold teethGrey GooseTripping in the bathroomBloodstainsBall gownsTrashing the hotel room
We don't care, we're driving Cadillacs in our dreams
But everybody's like:CrystalMaybachDiamonds on your timepieceJet planesIslandsTigers on a gold leash
We don't care, we're aren't caught up in your love affair
And we'll never be royals (royals)It don't run in our bloodThat kind of lux just ain't for us, we crave a different kind of buzzLet me be your ruler (ruler)You can call me queen beeAnd baby I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll ruleLet me live that fantasy
My friends and I we've cracked the codeWe count our dollars on the train to the partyAnd everyone who knows us knowsThat we're fine with this, we didn't come from moneyBut every song's like:Gold teethGrey Goose[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/royals-lyrics-lorde.html ]Tripping in the bathroomBloodstainsBall gownsTrashing the hotel roomWe don't care, we're driving Cadillacs in our dreams
But everybody's like:CrystalMaybachDiamonds on your timepieceJet planesIslandsTigers on a gold leash
We don't care, we're aren't caught up in your love affair
And we'll never be royals (royals)It don't run in our bloodThat kind of lux just ain't for us, we crave a different kind of buzzLet me be your ruler (ruler)You can call me queen beeAnd baby I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll ruleLet me live that fantasy
ooh ooh oh oohWe're better than we've every dreamedAnd I'm in love with being queenooh ooh oh oohLife is great without a careWe aren't caught up in your love affairAnd we'll never be royals (royals)It's a word that I would love.That kind of lux just ain't for us, we crave a different kind of buzzLet me be your ruler (ruler)You can call me queen beeAnd baby I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll ruleLet me live that fantasy


Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Break Ups Take A Toll

Break ups suck. I do not care who you are or which end of the break up you were on.  I don't care how much more happiness you found post break up, or how liberated you felt after it was over.  They still suck.  You will still wake up in the middle of the night and remember you broke up.  You will have that feeling in your stomach even when you're not thinking about it.  Isn't it funny how the body remembers what the mind chooses to forget?

I was sitting on the grass a few nights ago with a bunch of my girlfriends.  One of them was telling us her drama, and I was looking around at all the girls realizing we had all gone through a rough patch in the dating world lately.  Were the stars just misaligned? I don't know.:)  Maybe you just notice it more when it's happening to you and your friends.  There's so much pain in the world.  But there's so much goodness, too.  I can't get on Facebook without hearing beautiful news that someone's engaged or having a baby or budding a new relationship.

I like to focus on the positive.  But I also am a believer in feeling what you need to feel and not bottling your emotions.  I commented to one of my friends the other day that breakups in general just suck.  He said, "not ALL breakups suck..."  He's been fortunate to stay friends with those he's broken up with.  I wonder if his girls would agree that breakups don't all suck?  Maybe my language was too strong, so I toned it down with, "Yes, but all breakups take a toll." He looked at me like he'd never considered it before.

They do.  It's not the end of the world, but they take a toll.  They are emotionally exhausting.  They take a lot of energy and thought and emotion.  There are a lot of repercussions.  Personal repercussions are obvious.  But you also have to deal with the rest of the world and reassure them while you're vulnerable.  If you were the one broken up with, you're obviously vulnerable.  If you were the one who broke it off, you're still vulnerable.  If it was a good relationship at all, you're questioning your decision and feeling pressure that you're setting your sights too high.  Dealing with people while you're in that vulnerable state is hard.

Your mutual friends are hard. It's awkward.  You don't know how much you should say and if you're a good person, you probably don't want to say too much and taint their opinion/relationship with your ex. You have to learn how to interact with your ex in a normal way when you hang out with mutual friends.

Your exclusive friends are hard. Dealing with awkward, ill-timed questions. Because you play it off as no big deal.  You're glad there's less to explain, but you also maybe wish they understood more.

Your family is hard.  My family falls in love with my boys faster than I do:)  After my family meets them it's hopeless.  Facebook has not helped this phenomenon.  It's hard to tell your family. They offer you comfort, but you know they are disappointed on your behalf, as well as there own.  After all, they want you to be happy.  And they want gradkids and nieces and nephews.

Your coworkers.  Also hard.  Because they likely don't know much.  But they find out if you start crying at work or your job performance is just lower than usual.  It's hard to hide your feelings from people you are around for eight hours a day.

Your married friends.  Very hard.  They're disappointed because they want you to be happy, and they want you to be able to socialize with them more.  Of course you can still be friends with married couples, but there are just a lot of activities single people do that are not really that interesting to married people, especially if they have kids.  It's especially annoying when married friends seem exasperated that you just can't get it right and figure it out and join them in the married world. Lol.  Like you really need that chastisement when your hurting.

Your singles ward.  Mmm hmm.  Awkward.  As one of my good friends likes to say, "If you pee in the pool then you have to swim in it." Breakups within a ward are Awk.Ward.

Facebook.  Just don't do it.  Seriously.  Your hundreds of acquaintances don't need to be privy to your dating status.  Wait until your ready to get engaged. Then delete the story if you break up. And the universe apologizes for the awkwardness that will ensue when people find out anyway.

It seems like the solution is just never saying anything to anyone. Keeping strictly mum about your dating life. But that can be the most painful of all.  Because having no one to explain things to also means you have no one to lean on, no one to talk to, and no one there to help you recover.  So what do you do?  Perhaps it's not existentialist to think that all breakups cause emotion; but it is existentialist to acknowledge that the pain and awkwardness are just temporary, they are not bad in and of themselves.  They are just a part of life to be dealt with like every other part of life:) With patience, hope and trust.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Modesty: Not Just for the Sake of Others

There has been a lot of talk in the LDS community about modesty circulating around Jessica Rey's recent presentation on the evolution of the bikini.  There has been a lot of responses to her call to modesty, so here's mine:)

It's important for both men and women to be modest, but to keep it simple, we're going to talk about women in this post.

The ironically fine line between feelings of shame and of self-respect.

I feel that every girl who chooses to dress modestly has at one point or another asked herself if she does it because she loves and respects her body or if she is not confident enough to bare it.  I was raised by a mother who truly valued and taught me to value modesty, so I never had to struggle with wearing super immodest clothing, but I can definitely understand the feelings of something being just a little too revealing.  Something that maybe doesn't bother you a bit when you're in your home, but when you walk outside, you suddenly become aware that you are not dressed quite as you should be.  This induces a feeling of shame, and I think this is why it can be confusing to wonder if you are ashamed of your body. The world preaches that we should snuff out any uncomfortable feelings of shame by driving ourselves past feeling.  Many women do not feel uncomfortable in immodest clothing because they are past feeling uncomfortable about it. I think this sense of "shame" is actually a desire to protect something sacred. Honoring those feelings leads to self-respect.   Perhaps we were all born with some deep spiritual inkling that our bodies are sacred.  That they are a gift from God, something over which we have stewardship and need to protect.

You are not your own.

The new Miley Cirus song, "We Can't Stop" really bothers me, because it doesn't ring true. She says, "It's my mouth, I can say what I want to, it's our house, we can love who we want to..." etcetera. One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Corinthians 6:19 "Know ye not that...ye are not your own?"  We aren't our own.  We can't do anything we want and only have ourselves to answer to. We are only stewards over precious bodies that God has given us.  They belong to Him.  We all belong to Him, whether we know it or not.  To disrespect our own bodies is not harmless.  The same way we are careful with things people lend us, we should be careful with our bodies.


Objectification can be an illusive concept for people.  What does it mean to "objectify" someone, and why is it such a bad thing?  First, let's understand what a person is.  Every person, despite what they do, is a dynamic, living, breathing, thinking, creative, sacred, being, with potential beyond what we are capable of imagining.  They are to be respected, loved, and admired.  This starts with oneself. Objectification is when you take this sacred, dynamic being, and separate her into parts. Aristotle taught that "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts." Taking apart a person and measuring her by worldly standards is offensive to God and to our brothers and sisters.  It's offensive to take apart a miracle and and analyze it, compare, and measure it.  It's insulting, because it is so unrepresentative and ignorant of the whole.

To assign value to a part of the whole is truly like judging a book by its cover.  Perhaps the cover may give you a few clues about what lies beneath the surface, like the title and the description on the back; those parts of ourselves we show to the world.  But it really means nothing about what is under the surface.  If you want to understand a book, you must open it up and read.  No matter how long you stare and measure and compare the cover of a book, you can never know what it is, you can only speculate.  There are so many parts to a person.  To assign someone value based on their physical appearance is not reflective of the worth of the whole. It doesn't have to be physical appearance, but that's usually what it is.  It could be a specific skill, possession, or connection. The world teaches that we should compare and judge.  God teaches we should love one another and enjoy our differences. Deciding between these two teachings can be difficult because the world blares its message loud and clear, while God speaks with a still small voice.

To be immodest is to objectify yourself.  Like putting a book on display in a glass case.  People come to admire the cover, but now no one can really read it and get beneath the surface.  It sends a message that your body is the most important part of yourself.

Conversely, dressing modestly is a barrier to objectification, because it minimizes the importance of what you see on the surface.  If a book had one of those stretchy fabric covers on the front, wouldn't you be so much more likely to open it up and flip through the pages in order to find out what it is?  Not saying you have to be completely swathed in spandex:) but the idea is the same. It doesn't decrease the value of what's on the outside.  It increases the visibility of what's on the inside.  Dressing modestly doesn't mean you are ashamed of your body.  It means that you correctly understand that it's only one part of yourself, and that the other parts are worth getting to know.  That the whole is more than the sum of its parts:)

 If any man defile the temple of God him shall God destroy, 
for the temple of God is holy,

1 Corinthians 3:17

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